I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
