i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
wow bdsm is so cute
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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