maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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