he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
