in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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