the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
