you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
