Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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