hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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