Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
