You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
