Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
