The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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