u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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