I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
