dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
