I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She bit a glass in half.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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