if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
