I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
