He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
