I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do vagina's smell?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
