I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
