I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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