is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Someone came in the potted fern
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
