I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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