69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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