You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think i have two assholes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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