dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
