and i looked up. we had an audience...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need to sanitize my soul.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
