I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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