Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
