im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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