I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
