She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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