I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
