I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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