I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I bet he comes in French.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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