Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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