My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
