so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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