if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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