Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
