This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
