I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
