I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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