Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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