I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
