I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How external is "for external use only"?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
