i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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