I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
