Whod you bang
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
