I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
