Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We're facebook friends in real life
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
