i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize