I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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