Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
