i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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