and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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