this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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