census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
