i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
