So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
