I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
