Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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