Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
