She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
