i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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