u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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