Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
